Thank you. You are a real gift to this world!! Your story resonates with me because my son is gay and declared a trans ID when he first noticed same sex attraction at 15.5 years. He went online looking for answers, Reddit and Tumblr said “you are trans”. Before that he says he was different but didn’t ever connect it to sexuality. I’ve spent the past 2.5 years protecting him from the potential harm and he slowly came out of the fog. Thankfully his father and I had enough sense to hold on and were able to pull him out out of the rabbit hole and guide him toward real life. It was a harrowing journey to say the least. I’m a completely different person now. So is my son.
I never thought I’d be protecting my son from people who claim to care about him. Honestly, he gets more genuine love and acceptance from my conservative Christian friends (who believe you love the sinner not the sin) than those who think he’d be better off with chemical and surgical castration. Like so many say...the old homophobia was better.
You are onto something with the power parents have in this epidemic. For many, it’s difficult to see that what the NYT and Jon Stewart say is complete BS, because once you do that, you question everything. For others no matter what they say the greater influence of social media, schools and peers leaves them very little sway with their children.
Thanks so much for sharing this Gary! this is a terrifying time to be a gender non conforming kid and I worry that there is so much harm being done to these kids and no end in sight. We grew up in the same time and those photos of you are adorable - I loved Donny & Marie and my dolls and as a girl loved basketball and running around outside with the boys too. I was just able to be myself and of course sexual preferences wasn't a topic of discussion much less "gender identity" which wasn't a thing- because we were CHILDREN! I'm angry that I have 2 daughters caught up in this and I now have to have these discussions with my 10 year old son out of necessity. It is madness. I appreciate your perspective so much!
Once again, this old lesbian salutes you. Your story is poignant, and those photographs! You and your two brothers look like three peas in a pod, until the moment your older brother took his male socialization a little too seriously and shamed and abused you. It sounds like your parents didn't explain to him why he shouldn't harass you, which is unfortunate. At least your mother didn't pressure you to pretend you were someone you were not.
I'm sorry your childhood was rendered so painful and difficult. It's a story with which I'm familiar. I myself was not overtly gender non-conforming as a girl, but I've known many lesbians who were. They suffered from the constant pressure to adopt feminine fashions and activities that were excruciating for them, and they grew up feeling judged and rejected, especially by their mothers. That's a wound that can last a lifetime.
Your reminiscences about memes regarding gender stereotypes really took me back (I'm 70.) Like you, I noticed early on that there were "boy things" and "girl things," and I chafed at having to choose. So I intentionally took "boy books" about sports out of the library, even though I had no interest in sports. I trained myself to carry my books under my arm like a guy (you reminded me!), even though it was hard for me. I remember that one about how to hold your hands to show off your fingernails. And do you remember this one: Q. how do you move your head when you stare at the sky? A. Boys look straight up, girls turn their heads to the side first. Amazing!
The crux of your article comes at the end, when you remind us that childhood adherence to or rejection of gender stereotypes cannot predict adult sexual identity. It's not possible to predict how a kid is going to turn out. One example was my own heterosexual mother. She had three older brothers, and they were her role models. She played basketball in high school. She hated dresses and makeup ... and this was the 1920s and 30s.
The homophobic maiming of children is so barbaric that it's insane we have to point it out. How did it become a liberal project to convince parents that in order to respect their kids' spurious "gender identity," they require off-label puberty blockers that stunt their bones and brains...followed by wrong-sex hormones that make them sterile...followed by cut-and-paste genital revisions that lead to loss of sexual function and can result in a urostomy? People need to pee, right? Once you mess around with the placement of the urethra, all kinds of mayhem can ensue. The multifunction, exquisitely designed genitals we were born with are a miracle of nature. But our trans children deserve better! They need Science! Let's hack them up!
The trans-medicalization of children is an abomination. Your words resonate deeply. Thank you.
I’ve got three little girls. The older two all went through a phase where they grabbed every vehicle, turn it upside down and spent a ridiculous amount of time spinning the wheels. The young one is still to little to do much. The older one loves ballet and singing horribly off key. The younger one climbs everything and sees affection as a contact sport. They both like cooking and making coffee. They both love their baby dolls. Even when they drop them on their heads. They also love making towers and smashing them with glee.
All of this is normal kids playing and exploring their world and has little to do with sexuality of any kind (except perhaps in broad generalisations of sex differences). I cannot understand why this is so hard for people to understand.
thank you - for you insights into this weird phenomenon. I am also a little outside of the usual gender man thing or whatever you say. I used to say of myself: "I am not the macho sort." I might opt for Non-gendered today I might, I suppose. I really think there are just these variations, types. I think there is some normal societal development that is innocent enough. I saw a non-binary person. It was a coffee shop barrista person. Seeing it instead of over-thinking it the other day. And it made more sense that way. I was actually seeing how that worked. You could not call him "Male." So, it must have been "non-gendered." It was a he, yeah. But I suppose not trying to fulfill expectations. Why should he be forced into the standard heterosexual male thing? DO I say cis here? Or WHAT?
Gary - She has some interesting stuff (needless to say due to the length of her posts I have yet to read them all ) but, and I understand the need for paid members, it appears that all of her stuff is locked denying the chance for non-paid subscribers to say "great piece" or "Nice "job". It's just not feasible for most today to pay $5 a month for every single person on substack that they enjoy reading. If you're doing just 1 or 2 it's fine but that $5 can add up quickly.
I believe all substack author should have free posts at least occasionally and they can be nothing more then a short post that asks for input/feedback, it doesn't have to be a lengthy researched article.
Gary - This is off topic so bear with me but the most recent post you shared is one I can't access the one titled "Gay rights was about accepting differences ". Any/all attempts to view it result in a blank screen/page
Thank you, as always, for sharing your story and your point of view. You and your writing are a gift.
In my just graduated kid's high school, in her social group (theater), gays and lesbians are welcomed, accepted, and valued by their peers and their teachers.
Thank you. You are a real gift to this world!! Your story resonates with me because my son is gay and declared a trans ID when he first noticed same sex attraction at 15.5 years. He went online looking for answers, Reddit and Tumblr said “you are trans”. Before that he says he was different but didn’t ever connect it to sexuality. I’ve spent the past 2.5 years protecting him from the potential harm and he slowly came out of the fog. Thankfully his father and I had enough sense to hold on and were able to pull him out out of the rabbit hole and guide him toward real life. It was a harrowing journey to say the least. I’m a completely different person now. So is my son.
I never thought I’d be protecting my son from people who claim to care about him. Honestly, he gets more genuine love and acceptance from my conservative Christian friends (who believe you love the sinner not the sin) than those who think he’d be better off with chemical and surgical castration. Like so many say...the old homophobia was better.
You are onto something with the power parents have in this epidemic. For many, it’s difficult to see that what the NYT and Jon Stewart say is complete BS, because once you do that, you question everything. For others no matter what they say the greater influence of social media, schools and peers leaves them very little sway with their children.
Thanks so much for sharing this Gary! this is a terrifying time to be a gender non conforming kid and I worry that there is so much harm being done to these kids and no end in sight. We grew up in the same time and those photos of you are adorable - I loved Donny & Marie and my dolls and as a girl loved basketball and running around outside with the boys too. I was just able to be myself and of course sexual preferences wasn't a topic of discussion much less "gender identity" which wasn't a thing- because we were CHILDREN! I'm angry that I have 2 daughters caught up in this and I now have to have these discussions with my 10 year old son out of necessity. It is madness. I appreciate your perspective so much!
Once again, this old lesbian salutes you. Your story is poignant, and those photographs! You and your two brothers look like three peas in a pod, until the moment your older brother took his male socialization a little too seriously and shamed and abused you. It sounds like your parents didn't explain to him why he shouldn't harass you, which is unfortunate. At least your mother didn't pressure you to pretend you were someone you were not.
I'm sorry your childhood was rendered so painful and difficult. It's a story with which I'm familiar. I myself was not overtly gender non-conforming as a girl, but I've known many lesbians who were. They suffered from the constant pressure to adopt feminine fashions and activities that were excruciating for them, and they grew up feeling judged and rejected, especially by their mothers. That's a wound that can last a lifetime.
Your reminiscences about memes regarding gender stereotypes really took me back (I'm 70.) Like you, I noticed early on that there were "boy things" and "girl things," and I chafed at having to choose. So I intentionally took "boy books" about sports out of the library, even though I had no interest in sports. I trained myself to carry my books under my arm like a guy (you reminded me!), even though it was hard for me. I remember that one about how to hold your hands to show off your fingernails. And do you remember this one: Q. how do you move your head when you stare at the sky? A. Boys look straight up, girls turn their heads to the side first. Amazing!
The crux of your article comes at the end, when you remind us that childhood adherence to or rejection of gender stereotypes cannot predict adult sexual identity. It's not possible to predict how a kid is going to turn out. One example was my own heterosexual mother. She had three older brothers, and they were her role models. She played basketball in high school. She hated dresses and makeup ... and this was the 1920s and 30s.
The homophobic maiming of children is so barbaric that it's insane we have to point it out. How did it become a liberal project to convince parents that in order to respect their kids' spurious "gender identity," they require off-label puberty blockers that stunt their bones and brains...followed by wrong-sex hormones that make them sterile...followed by cut-and-paste genital revisions that lead to loss of sexual function and can result in a urostomy? People need to pee, right? Once you mess around with the placement of the urethra, all kinds of mayhem can ensue. The multifunction, exquisitely designed genitals we were born with are a miracle of nature. But our trans children deserve better! They need Science! Let's hack them up!
The trans-medicalization of children is an abomination. Your words resonate deeply. Thank you.
"I made my brothers library cards so if they wanted to read a Peanuts paperback or How To Care For Your Monster, they had to ‘check it out’ with me."
I love this so much.
I’ve got three little girls. The older two all went through a phase where they grabbed every vehicle, turn it upside down and spent a ridiculous amount of time spinning the wheels. The young one is still to little to do much. The older one loves ballet and singing horribly off key. The younger one climbs everything and sees affection as a contact sport. They both like cooking and making coffee. They both love their baby dolls. Even when they drop them on their heads. They also love making towers and smashing them with glee.
All of this is normal kids playing and exploring their world and has little to do with sexuality of any kind (except perhaps in broad generalisations of sex differences). I cannot understand why this is so hard for people to understand.
you were not born at the right time cuz you should not have been born at all :D what a disposable faggot :D
thank you - for you insights into this weird phenomenon. I am also a little outside of the usual gender man thing or whatever you say. I used to say of myself: "I am not the macho sort." I might opt for Non-gendered today I might, I suppose. I really think there are just these variations, types. I think there is some normal societal development that is innocent enough. I saw a non-binary person. It was a coffee shop barrista person. Seeing it instead of over-thinking it the other day. And it made more sense that way. I was actually seeing how that worked. You could not call him "Male." So, it must have been "non-gendered." It was a he, yeah. But I suppose not trying to fulfill expectations. Why should he be forced into the standard heterosexual male thing? DO I say cis here? Or WHAT?
Gary - She has some interesting stuff (needless to say due to the length of her posts I have yet to read them all ) but, and I understand the need for paid members, it appears that all of her stuff is locked denying the chance for non-paid subscribers to say "great piece" or "Nice "job". It's just not feasible for most today to pay $5 a month for every single person on substack that they enjoy reading. If you're doing just 1 or 2 it's fine but that $5 can add up quickly.
I believe all substack author should have free posts at least occasionally and they can be nothing more then a short post that asks for input/feedback, it doesn't have to be a lengthy researched article.
Thanks Gary
Gary - This is off topic so bear with me but the most recent post you shared is one I can't access the one titled "Gay rights was about accepting differences ". Any/all attempts to view it result in a blank screen/page
So good. Your experience and perspective is important to share mind you’re a talented writer. Kudos and thanks.
Thank you, as always, for sharing your story and your point of view. You and your writing are a gift.
In my just graduated kid's high school, in her social group (theater), gays and lesbians are welcomed, accepted, and valued by their peers and their teachers.